Saturday, April 7, 2012

Worth the Wait

I was a girl who believed in fairy tales. I dreamt of having a prince to sweep me off my feet, and I always looked for happy endings. When I was a kid, it was easy for me to feel what love is all about. I was sheltered, with all the comforts in life. I was pampered by loving parents- whose love story I’ve idolized through the years. I told myself, I wanted to grow up like my mom- taken care of by my dad.; and I wished I would marry a guy like my dad who was a responsible and loving husband to my mom. I thought all love stories were like that, smooth sailing. I also thought it would be easy for me to find my own happy ending. But as you know, we have different fates, we make different choices. As for me, it took me almost three decades to find that person that I know is destined to be with me.

When I was 15, I said I was madly in love. You know how first love feels- starry eyes, dreamy glances, and restless thoughts. I felt that nothing can come in between us, and I was willing to risk anything just to be with him. I was on a high, it was a great feeling that I will always remember. He adored me, and loved me. I knew he was sincere, and I thought he was the one. But I guess I was too young then to really learn how to handle a relationship. I was impulsive and immature, although I thought during that time I was the most mature person in the world. Things just didn’t work out, and I had to let go. My first heartache made me fell hard. It pained me, but it didn’t stop me from loving again.

When I entered college, we were having financial problems in the family. During my freshman year, my dad has passed away for three years already. We were saddled with loans and unpaid bills. It was one of the most challenging phases of my life; I had to adjust and live less comfortably. I knew I had to work hard to finish my studies and get back the life we had before when my dad was still alive.
Someone helped me made it through the darkest days. I was optimistic that our relationship would be something for real. I felt secured with him that I can tell anything to him. He stood by me during my trying times. For a long time, I was emotionally attached to him. I became dependent on him for love and affection because I was so depressed, not knowing what to do. I loved him, but I knew from the start that our relationship was not going anywhere. I thought I was ready to give up everything to settle down with him. But when I graduated from college, all the more that I wanted to pursue my dreams, ambitions, illusions, everything I wanted. I wanted to soar high and fly, but he didn’t want any of that. I broke up with him with a heavy heart, but now I realize that it was one of the decisions I had to make to be completely happy.

After that relationship which lasted for several years, I was more driven to find true love- that love that will last for a lifetime, something that’s forever. I told you, I never gave up on love no matter what. I tried something different, I began searching for love. I defied that old saying: “don’t find love, let love find you.” I was all the more eager to find happiness even it meant looking at the wrong places.

“Collect and select” – this was what I did, hoping that it would lead me to my happy ending. I entertained almost all men who seemed to be attracted to me, even if I knew that some of them were not really my type. I dated and flirted all I wanted, and it gave me temporary thrill. I played along, tried to enjoy the rollercoaster ride.

I thought I was already shielded from heartaches. After all, I wasn’t in a relationship; I was just having fun with the attention that I was receiving. But still, I got hurt even with these supposed to be “for fun” experiences. It was then that I realized that I was not the type of girl who can go through casual encounters and flings or so-called relationships without love and a guarantee of forever. I can’t stand it, I don’t like it, and I won’t have any of it.

I decided to have a break. It was the first time in my life that I felt tired of loving. I was a believer in love, yes. But I didn’t know that there will come a point in my life that I will almost give up on true love. I got tired of expecting, hoping that my prince will come. I felt bruised and scarred, as if I was a solider who came from a long battle. I asked myself, is there really someone out there for me?

I didn’t want to say “yes” to someone just because I want to be in a relationship. I promised myself that the next person I’d give my heart to must be the one with whom I’ll share the rest of my life with. As one of my friends told me, all girls want to be a “home” and not just an “apartment.” I don’t want men to just come and go in my life- that’s how an apartment is. I also don’t want to settle for anything less, just for the sake of having someone. I was unhappy not having a love life, but I was not desperate to have anyone just to tell other people that I have a relationship. I longed for that someone who will mean everything to me, someone who will stay for good, and treat my heart as his “home.”

I turned to Our Mother of Perpetual Help for guidance. Before, I used to pray that I find the one for me. But when I started praying the novena, I began asking for patience and acceptance. And so I waited patiently for the right person to come at right time, and accepted things as they are. I also asked Our Mother to strengthen my faith in the Lord, and never to give up on love

“Ask and you shall receive.” It didn’t take long before my prayer for true love was answered. He came during the time when I least expected for a miracle. Until now, I am still amazed with this blessing that I have received. I will be forever thankful that God gave him to me.

This one’s for YOU:

“I have fallen many times, I almost gave up on love. I thought I would never find my own happy ending. But you came along, you are an answered prayer. God must have seen that I needed a person like you, someone who has the patience to bear with my stubbornness. Thank you for the happiness that you’ve brought into my life. Thank you for understanding me, and standing by me all the time. Thank you for your sincere and unconditional love. I know that we will encounter many challenges ahead, but I promise to be there with you all the time. Our love is so strong that together we can make anything possible. I promise to take care of you for the rest of my life, and love you until my last breath.”

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