Last night, I thought I lost my phone. It almost broke my heart into pieces. Many questions entered my mind, and I can barely identify my exact feelings then. I was laughing with my friends, but inside I was weeping. I kept on eating what’s on my plate, but my mind was somewhere else.
I was feeling less and less optimistic that I’d find my phone again, but I know there’s still a flicker of hope in my heart. I told myself, I can’t give up on my phone. Not this time, not this way… I would rather break up with my phone in the near future. I’d prefer also if it gives up one me. But me?? I won’t. Because I have developed a very special love affair with my phone.
How?
1. It wakes me up. If it’s gone, I won’t be on time for work most of the time because I have trouble getting up early without my phone’s sweet alarm.
2. When I wake up, it’s the first things I look at and touch.
3. My phone has been witness to all my outbursts of joy and sadness.
4. It knows a lot of secrets about me. I can’t lie to my phone. It’s in it that I open up all my emotions.
5. It has seen me fall in love and get hurt many times.
6. Before I go to sleep, it’s the last things I loot at and touch.
7. It has many uses. I use my phone as calculator, mini notebook, calendar, and photo album. I also use it as a mirror from time to time.
8. My phone captures stolen moments.
9. My phone comforts me when I’m down. I can stare at it and browse through it for hours without getting bored. And then I’d be able to sleep and forget all my worries.
10. My phone is one of my mood indicators, like Facebook. Its wall paper, theme, text settings, and phonebook settings tell a lot about my mood. In short, I express myself though my phone as well!
I’m sooooooo happy to be reunited with my phone. I learned my lesson well. Love your phone, just as you love someone special. Nurture the relationship you have, and you’ll never go wrong. If my phone could talk, I know it will tell me that it loves me too. Hahaha.
I can go out without money, as long as I have my phone- but with powder and lipstick. And yes, Betty Boop saves the day!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Glow :)
Many times you have cursed love, for being such a pain.
A lot of instances, you vow never to love so deeply again.
You've told all your friends that you need a lot of time to be able to fall in love again.
You put boundaries, thinking that it will help you heal completely.
But you can't ambush love when it's coming your way.
You can't turn away from it when it presents itself.
You can't ignore love, and you can never run away from it.
Because you know that even if you've been burnt in love, your heart will always choose to love again.
You know for a fact that the happiness it can bring, surpasses any heartache you can imagine.
No matter how hard you contain the joy in your heart, your eyes will always reveal what your heart tries to hide.
Love, indeed has the power to bring back the glow in your eyes.
When loved by someone, it can restore your hope in so many things.
You believe in all the impossible things, and you'll always be thankful to that person who brought back your faith in love. ;)
A lot of instances, you vow never to love so deeply again.
You've told all your friends that you need a lot of time to be able to fall in love again.
You put boundaries, thinking that it will help you heal completely.
But you can't ambush love when it's coming your way.
You can't turn away from it when it presents itself.
You can't ignore love, and you can never run away from it.
Because you know that even if you've been burnt in love, your heart will always choose to love again.
You know for a fact that the happiness it can bring, surpasses any heartache you can imagine.
No matter how hard you contain the joy in your heart, your eyes will always reveal what your heart tries to hide.
Love, indeed has the power to bring back the glow in your eyes.
When loved by someone, it can restore your hope in so many things.
You believe in all the impossible things, and you'll always be thankful to that person who brought back your faith in love. ;)
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Bits and Pieces of Heartache
I was browsing through my computer files, and I came across these articles I wrote before, which I call HURT BLOGS. I realize how time flies. Just when I thought I wouldn’t be able to recover from the heartaches I got, here I am feeling better than ever.
These hurts made me who I am today. They thought me a thing or two, so now I know how to choose my battles well.
Happy or Sad?
I would like to think that I am happy right now because I do not cry at night like I used to do.
But then, you cannot measure one’s happiness with the absence or the amount of tears that a person sheds.
I’m a naturally jolly person, but there are times when I just cannot figure out if I am happy or sad.
Before, I feel I can lean on one person with the challenges I face. I had a shock absorber to take in all the angst I had… as it feels heavier day after day.
But I cannot tell now if there is one single person who will risk everything for me.
I may have met several men who are willing to offer their truest love to me… but I let them disappear in my life, because they lack one thing: consistency…
I may seem hard on the outside, but inside me, I’m just waiting for fuzzy romance. It may sound silly or corny for my age but poems excite me, flowers during Valentine’s Day thrill me, and sweet nothings are precious.
I had poems before, flowers, and sweet nothings… Now I cannot look forward, because I’m thinking if I’ll ever be so happy again.
Walking in the Park
I walked in the park and saw beautiful sceneries. I came across wonderful people who made my life more colorful. I enjoyed strolling alone. It made me feel I’m on top of the world.
Then I fell hard. I don’t know if it was the huge stones along the way or the wet grass. Perhaps I was hit by a creature I didn’t know was coming. Or maybe, the sun’s glare blocked my sight. But then, it’s only me to blame.
I stumbled along the way twice- and that made it more painful. I assumed I was guarded enough not to be hurt. But I was wrong. I give my trust easily, and I always see the bright side in each person, only to find out that I’m already scarred. I just refuse to believe that I got hit by something huge.
I should know this will come. I was at my most fragile state when I immersed myself into these crazy games. I admit that I was at my happiest, but it didn’t last.
One thing I learned is don’t walk in the park hastily when you’re vulnerable. You won’t be in a position to refuse love when it is offered. The next thing you know, your heart is broken again and you won’t know it unless someone tells you.
Don’t walk in the park when you’re at your most fragile state. You’ll trust easily, and it won’t be easy to admit that you’ve been hurt, again.
No Guarantees in Love
Guarding your heart too tight will not guarantee you that you won’t be hurt. Sometimes, pain comes to the most unexpected moments.
Just when you thought you found love at the right time, the truth will always make your intense emotions fizzle out that fast. Made believe that you had a chance together, you carry to sleep those sweet moments you had. Bu then time will come that you have to know what’s real and not. And that’s when your heart breaks…
You blame yourself for falling too fast. But isn’t he the one to blame as well? If he had not made you feel special, you wouldn’t be restless like this. If he had not raised your hopes high for a brand new love, you wouldn’t be lonely like this. You feel deceived, but you can’t let it out. Because what you had was brought about by spur of the moment thoughts and emotions. The problem was you were too emotional.
You just think that perhaps, if what you had was left somewhere where you started off, it won’t be so painful. You’re not really expecting something out of this but too bad you were drawn to him already even before you realize it. You both liked what you had, but reality is you can’t be together.
Moving on may be the hardest part. At first you’ll have many questions in your mind. You want answers, fast. But when you sit down and relax, you’ll realize that this experience taught you a valuable lesson in life. Whatever learning you gained will surely make you a stronger, and more secured person. So when the time comes that the right person comes along, you’ll be whole and well-grounded.
It’s ironic because after the pain, you feel happiness after. This is the best part. Liberating yourself from all the angst and heartache… Accepting things as they are, but still being optimistic about what life has to offer… You smile, and tell yourself, you’ve got an amazing story to tell your kids… After all, you had wonderful memories worth remembering.
These hurts made me who I am today. They thought me a thing or two, so now I know how to choose my battles well.
Happy or Sad?
I would like to think that I am happy right now because I do not cry at night like I used to do.
But then, you cannot measure one’s happiness with the absence or the amount of tears that a person sheds.
I’m a naturally jolly person, but there are times when I just cannot figure out if I am happy or sad.
Before, I feel I can lean on one person with the challenges I face. I had a shock absorber to take in all the angst I had… as it feels heavier day after day.
But I cannot tell now if there is one single person who will risk everything for me.
I may have met several men who are willing to offer their truest love to me… but I let them disappear in my life, because they lack one thing: consistency…
I may seem hard on the outside, but inside me, I’m just waiting for fuzzy romance. It may sound silly or corny for my age but poems excite me, flowers during Valentine’s Day thrill me, and sweet nothings are precious.
I had poems before, flowers, and sweet nothings… Now I cannot look forward, because I’m thinking if I’ll ever be so happy again.
Walking in the Park
I walked in the park and saw beautiful sceneries. I came across wonderful people who made my life more colorful. I enjoyed strolling alone. It made me feel I’m on top of the world.
Then I fell hard. I don’t know if it was the huge stones along the way or the wet grass. Perhaps I was hit by a creature I didn’t know was coming. Or maybe, the sun’s glare blocked my sight. But then, it’s only me to blame.
I stumbled along the way twice- and that made it more painful. I assumed I was guarded enough not to be hurt. But I was wrong. I give my trust easily, and I always see the bright side in each person, only to find out that I’m already scarred. I just refuse to believe that I got hit by something huge.
I should know this will come. I was at my most fragile state when I immersed myself into these crazy games. I admit that I was at my happiest, but it didn’t last.
One thing I learned is don’t walk in the park hastily when you’re vulnerable. You won’t be in a position to refuse love when it is offered. The next thing you know, your heart is broken again and you won’t know it unless someone tells you.
Don’t walk in the park when you’re at your most fragile state. You’ll trust easily, and it won’t be easy to admit that you’ve been hurt, again.
No Guarantees in Love
Guarding your heart too tight will not guarantee you that you won’t be hurt. Sometimes, pain comes to the most unexpected moments.
Just when you thought you found love at the right time, the truth will always make your intense emotions fizzle out that fast. Made believe that you had a chance together, you carry to sleep those sweet moments you had. Bu then time will come that you have to know what’s real and not. And that’s when your heart breaks…
You blame yourself for falling too fast. But isn’t he the one to blame as well? If he had not made you feel special, you wouldn’t be restless like this. If he had not raised your hopes high for a brand new love, you wouldn’t be lonely like this. You feel deceived, but you can’t let it out. Because what you had was brought about by spur of the moment thoughts and emotions. The problem was you were too emotional.
You just think that perhaps, if what you had was left somewhere where you started off, it won’t be so painful. You’re not really expecting something out of this but too bad you were drawn to him already even before you realize it. You both liked what you had, but reality is you can’t be together.
Moving on may be the hardest part. At first you’ll have many questions in your mind. You want answers, fast. But when you sit down and relax, you’ll realize that this experience taught you a valuable lesson in life. Whatever learning you gained will surely make you a stronger, and more secured person. So when the time comes that the right person comes along, you’ll be whole and well-grounded.
It’s ironic because after the pain, you feel happiness after. This is the best part. Liberating yourself from all the angst and heartache… Accepting things as they are, but still being optimistic about what life has to offer… You smile, and tell yourself, you’ve got an amazing story to tell your kids… After all, you had wonderful memories worth remembering.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Looking Back, Moving Forward
I’ve fallen many times - with someone new, with someone who’s just been there all along, with someone older, with someone younger, with someone so far away, with someone in a relationship, with someone who can’t commit… and the list can go on and on.
After every heartbreak, I tend to ask myself what went wrong – why it didn’t lead to a serious relationship, why things didn’t fall into place as expected, why the timing wasn’t right, and why is it always a short-lived love affair.
Then I realized that I shouldn’t waste time contemplating on what I might have done wrong. In the same way, I shouldn’t busy myself analyzing someone’s reasons for letting something that could have been special fall apart just like that. Because the answer lies in the fact, that things happen because both parties let it happen. And it’s never the accountability of just one person. Cliché as it may sound, it really takes two to tango.
Most of the time, I find myself falling for a person in different ways. The result is I also get hurt in different ways. And the brief connection or relationship breaks in various ways due to various reasons.
Here are the “someones” I have encountered in my life, some would be a mixture of two or several of these types. I recall what is it in them and what we had that made me believe in a happy ever after ending. Here, I also analyzed why after all the great times, things just didn’t work out.
• Someone new – Everything is bright and rosy. Your hopes are high that this may be the one thing you’ve been looking for. You tell yourself, he can be “the one.” It’s refreshing to fall for someone you’ve just met. You fulfill your fantasy of having soul mates and fairytale romance.
The catch: I fell in love with the idea of love. I liked the idea of something brand new, but not necessarily like everything about the person. Perhaps it was infatuation, but not really love.
• Someone who’s just been there all along – It was a pleasant surprise. Having a close friend who’s around for ages is sweet. But realizing that you are falling for someone you really knew from head to food is sweeter. No need for the awkward getting-to-know phase, because you know everything about this person. It’s lovely how friendship can turn into romance.
The catch: I felt too secured with my comfort zone, including that close friend who’s been there all along. I had someone I can call 24/7 without hesitation and he’ll be there. But I liked the security more than the emotional attachment. There was no real spark, so to speak.
• Someone much older - There’s something classy and mysterious about older men. Most of them usually treat women with utmost adoration, it’s no wonder it’s easy to fall for them. Perhaps because of their age and experience, they know how a woman wants to be treated as they seem more sensitive and mature. You get to talk about anything under the sun from the mundane things to the intellectual-type of discussions. It’s exciting how they let you argue with them but let you win in the end, just because they want to please you.
The catch: I was not ready for something long-term. While I enjoy all the attention and affection, I was still struggling on my own, wanting to achieve many things. He was so stable already, and I was not. I wanted a life of my own, and he wanted a life of our own already.
• Someone younger – It makes you enjoy life more than you think you are enjoying it now. Younger men seem to look up to you, and they love the fact that they got the attention of someone older. While you can’t expect them to be with you always on the same plane when it comes to serious stuff in life, you can count on them for the good times. They re-introduce you to the carefree life, and let you be a child from time to time. And this is a refreshing treat for someone who’s too caught up with work or other important matters.
The catch: I like it when a man has plans. And apparently, he did not have a clear direction of his own life, so how can I rely on him to make plans for us? I tend to have a dominant personality. While I am a bit stubborn and appear to want to get what I always want, I secretly wish that the man has the ability to lead me and not the other way around. He didn’t have a clue of what he wants in life, while I have my life quite mapped out already.
• Someone so far away – It keeps you wanting for more. The prospect of long distance love affair is daunting yet exciting. It’s disheartening at first, as your doubts tend to overcome you. You don’t know if it will work, and you don’t know how it will succeed. But the exciting part is you establish that special connection that you cannot explain. What makes it more beautiful is you carry with you that hope that time will come that you’ll turn your plans and fantasies into reality.
The catch: Distance and time apart can make or break a relationship, more so if it’s just a special connection. Both factors let me nurture extraordinary feelings that I have not felt for anyone who’s just within my reach. I though it would lead to something better, but I guess I was not ready to wait for what seems like forever to be with him. There were a lot of uncertainties, and it killed my interest in the person and in the potential of a life-long partnership.
• Someone in a relationship – It gives you a taste of a bitter sweet love affair. Nobody wants to be second best. But when you chanced upon a person who makes your heart beat in an instant, you refuse to let him go- even it means that you are just second in his life. A man who is in a relationship seems quite attractive because you know that someone else finds him attractive too. Grabbing his attention thrills you because it means he cannot resist you even if he is committed to someone else. You try your best to avoid falling, but the more you do that, the more you get attached to him.
The catch: The fact that he is committed to someone else is the main catch. I ignored this at the onset, relying on that strong hope that he will like me more than the person he is with. Good thing I didn’t let myself be drawn to him seriously. I let him go, because I know I deserve to be first in someone else’s life.
• Someone who can’t commit – You’re in for a rollercoaster ride. He’s single and appealing, but you don’t know for sure why he can’t commit even if it is obvious that he is into you. He is not consistent with his words and actions, but you try to justify everything he say or do. He is everything that you want, but you find yourself always second-guessing his true feelings for you. He is the aggressive type, yet he balks when you begin to get serious. He is the assertive type, yet he cringes at the idea of settling down. He is close to perfection, close to your ideal man, and that’s the only thing that is good about him. And because you are secretly hoping that he’s “the one”, you try to wait, enjoy the moment, and tell yourself, that time will come that he will commit.
The catch: He simply won’t commit. And I had to let go of him to shield myself from useless pain in waiting and hoping. He even had a hard time expressing his feelings, or at least acknowledge that what we had was special. I don’t need this crap, so I moved on.
You see, I’ve fallen many times - with someone new, with someone who’s just been there all along, with someone older, with someone younger, with someone so far away, with someone in a relationship, with someone who can’t commit… and the list can go on and on.
These caused me sleepless nights and emotional outbursts, but I have to say that these experiences made me a stronger and wiser me. I bring with me meaningful lessons that I cannot learn from any school in the world. As they say, experience is the best teacher.
I am looking forward to another whole new world of experience, hopefully this time with that someone I will spend with the rest of my life. I will not just fall… but I will fall in love both with the person and with the idea of love.
After every heartbreak, I tend to ask myself what went wrong – why it didn’t lead to a serious relationship, why things didn’t fall into place as expected, why the timing wasn’t right, and why is it always a short-lived love affair.
Then I realized that I shouldn’t waste time contemplating on what I might have done wrong. In the same way, I shouldn’t busy myself analyzing someone’s reasons for letting something that could have been special fall apart just like that. Because the answer lies in the fact, that things happen because both parties let it happen. And it’s never the accountability of just one person. Cliché as it may sound, it really takes two to tango.
Most of the time, I find myself falling for a person in different ways. The result is I also get hurt in different ways. And the brief connection or relationship breaks in various ways due to various reasons.
Here are the “someones” I have encountered in my life, some would be a mixture of two or several of these types. I recall what is it in them and what we had that made me believe in a happy ever after ending. Here, I also analyzed why after all the great times, things just didn’t work out.
• Someone new – Everything is bright and rosy. Your hopes are high that this may be the one thing you’ve been looking for. You tell yourself, he can be “the one.” It’s refreshing to fall for someone you’ve just met. You fulfill your fantasy of having soul mates and fairytale romance.
The catch: I fell in love with the idea of love. I liked the idea of something brand new, but not necessarily like everything about the person. Perhaps it was infatuation, but not really love.
• Someone who’s just been there all along – It was a pleasant surprise. Having a close friend who’s around for ages is sweet. But realizing that you are falling for someone you really knew from head to food is sweeter. No need for the awkward getting-to-know phase, because you know everything about this person. It’s lovely how friendship can turn into romance.
The catch: I felt too secured with my comfort zone, including that close friend who’s been there all along. I had someone I can call 24/7 without hesitation and he’ll be there. But I liked the security more than the emotional attachment. There was no real spark, so to speak.
• Someone much older - There’s something classy and mysterious about older men. Most of them usually treat women with utmost adoration, it’s no wonder it’s easy to fall for them. Perhaps because of their age and experience, they know how a woman wants to be treated as they seem more sensitive and mature. You get to talk about anything under the sun from the mundane things to the intellectual-type of discussions. It’s exciting how they let you argue with them but let you win in the end, just because they want to please you.
The catch: I was not ready for something long-term. While I enjoy all the attention and affection, I was still struggling on my own, wanting to achieve many things. He was so stable already, and I was not. I wanted a life of my own, and he wanted a life of our own already.
• Someone younger – It makes you enjoy life more than you think you are enjoying it now. Younger men seem to look up to you, and they love the fact that they got the attention of someone older. While you can’t expect them to be with you always on the same plane when it comes to serious stuff in life, you can count on them for the good times. They re-introduce you to the carefree life, and let you be a child from time to time. And this is a refreshing treat for someone who’s too caught up with work or other important matters.
The catch: I like it when a man has plans. And apparently, he did not have a clear direction of his own life, so how can I rely on him to make plans for us? I tend to have a dominant personality. While I am a bit stubborn and appear to want to get what I always want, I secretly wish that the man has the ability to lead me and not the other way around. He didn’t have a clue of what he wants in life, while I have my life quite mapped out already.
• Someone so far away – It keeps you wanting for more. The prospect of long distance love affair is daunting yet exciting. It’s disheartening at first, as your doubts tend to overcome you. You don’t know if it will work, and you don’t know how it will succeed. But the exciting part is you establish that special connection that you cannot explain. What makes it more beautiful is you carry with you that hope that time will come that you’ll turn your plans and fantasies into reality.
The catch: Distance and time apart can make or break a relationship, more so if it’s just a special connection. Both factors let me nurture extraordinary feelings that I have not felt for anyone who’s just within my reach. I though it would lead to something better, but I guess I was not ready to wait for what seems like forever to be with him. There were a lot of uncertainties, and it killed my interest in the person and in the potential of a life-long partnership.
• Someone in a relationship – It gives you a taste of a bitter sweet love affair. Nobody wants to be second best. But when you chanced upon a person who makes your heart beat in an instant, you refuse to let him go- even it means that you are just second in his life. A man who is in a relationship seems quite attractive because you know that someone else finds him attractive too. Grabbing his attention thrills you because it means he cannot resist you even if he is committed to someone else. You try your best to avoid falling, but the more you do that, the more you get attached to him.
The catch: The fact that he is committed to someone else is the main catch. I ignored this at the onset, relying on that strong hope that he will like me more than the person he is with. Good thing I didn’t let myself be drawn to him seriously. I let him go, because I know I deserve to be first in someone else’s life.
• Someone who can’t commit – You’re in for a rollercoaster ride. He’s single and appealing, but you don’t know for sure why he can’t commit even if it is obvious that he is into you. He is not consistent with his words and actions, but you try to justify everything he say or do. He is everything that you want, but you find yourself always second-guessing his true feelings for you. He is the aggressive type, yet he balks when you begin to get serious. He is the assertive type, yet he cringes at the idea of settling down. He is close to perfection, close to your ideal man, and that’s the only thing that is good about him. And because you are secretly hoping that he’s “the one”, you try to wait, enjoy the moment, and tell yourself, that time will come that he will commit.
The catch: He simply won’t commit. And I had to let go of him to shield myself from useless pain in waiting and hoping. He even had a hard time expressing his feelings, or at least acknowledge that what we had was special. I don’t need this crap, so I moved on.
You see, I’ve fallen many times - with someone new, with someone who’s just been there all along, with someone older, with someone younger, with someone so far away, with someone in a relationship, with someone who can’t commit… and the list can go on and on.
These caused me sleepless nights and emotional outbursts, but I have to say that these experiences made me a stronger and wiser me. I bring with me meaningful lessons that I cannot learn from any school in the world. As they say, experience is the best teacher.
I am looking forward to another whole new world of experience, hopefully this time with that someone I will spend with the rest of my life. I will not just fall… but I will fall in love both with the person and with the idea of love.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Taking Short-Cuts
I know when I'm about to fall for someone. I've seen the same things happening, and I have always felt the same way. I know the signs, and no matter how hard I avoid them, I still can't stop myself from feeling too drawn to someone. I tried to change, and for a while I have to say that I've become successful. I managed not to be so affectionate to one person and live my life normally. But at one point, IT will happen. I will forget the words chill, relax, cool, calm, etc. All I want is assurance from that person that his feelings for me are real and will not change. While I really try to go with the flow, something will just trigger that need in me to lay down the cards. I don't care if that might scare the guy away, as long as I get the answers I want now. I want to know what is and what is not. And I want straight answers, if what we have is going somewhere or not.
Some tell-tale signs that I'm into a person is when I feel irritated if he does not communicate with me like he used to. It's either he talks to me more often or just the same, but never less. Once I panic because I find the irregularity in his text messages or calls, then I'm hooked. I better get a good explanation for that because as they say if there's a will, there's a way. I hate lame excuses. If I easily feel bad when he says something negative about how I look, then I care about what that person thinks about me. Who wouldn't want to look and feel beautiful all the time for that man you secretly wish is yours? And once I start sending long emails, then that person has really grown special to me. I don't waste time composing emails or letters to someone I don't give a damn.
I'm starting to feel scared when these signs are happening... because I know that I am about to expose myself to another possible heartbreak. You don't have guarantees and assurances, all you've got are doubts and confusions. You want that time to come when both of you will know if you will commit with each other or not. But before that time arrives, you know that you have to go through a process, or a journey. But me? I'm stubborn. Most of the time, I want to skip that part. At the beginning, I'll enjoy it, but for some reason, I want to take the shorter way. I don't know why, but this has become a habit of mine. And my fear springs from my experience that short cuts can hurt you a lot. I hope to find that man who will be with me, despite the short cuts I'm fond of doing. Then I'll be willing to go the long, winding, rocky journey with him for the rest of my life.
Some tell-tale signs that I'm into a person is when I feel irritated if he does not communicate with me like he used to. It's either he talks to me more often or just the same, but never less. Once I panic because I find the irregularity in his text messages or calls, then I'm hooked. I better get a good explanation for that because as they say if there's a will, there's a way. I hate lame excuses. If I easily feel bad when he says something negative about how I look, then I care about what that person thinks about me. Who wouldn't want to look and feel beautiful all the time for that man you secretly wish is yours? And once I start sending long emails, then that person has really grown special to me. I don't waste time composing emails or letters to someone I don't give a damn.
I'm starting to feel scared when these signs are happening... because I know that I am about to expose myself to another possible heartbreak. You don't have guarantees and assurances, all you've got are doubts and confusions. You want that time to come when both of you will know if you will commit with each other or not. But before that time arrives, you know that you have to go through a process, or a journey. But me? I'm stubborn. Most of the time, I want to skip that part. At the beginning, I'll enjoy it, but for some reason, I want to take the shorter way. I don't know why, but this has become a habit of mine. And my fear springs from my experience that short cuts can hurt you a lot. I hope to find that man who will be with me, despite the short cuts I'm fond of doing. Then I'll be willing to go the long, winding, rocky journey with him for the rest of my life.
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