It's been a long time since I last wrote about something that makes me happy. Part of me has been so cynical, that I refuse to believe that there is something for real that would give me happiness. Lately, I found myself basking in joy, and I don't know where this glow is coming from. :)
I'm just thankful that life still gives me more chances to smile. I am grateful for the blessings that were given to me. It's good that after all the hurts and disappointments in the past, I've mustered enough strength to dust myself and continue to carry on. I've learned to choose my battles well, and continue looking forward to a lovelier tomorrow. I know there's still more rough roads ahead, but I believe that we choose the way how our life will turn out.
And now I'm choosing to move forward. I want all the problems to worry about me, and not the other way around. I will spare myself from unnecessary pain by not over analyzing my situation. In short, just CHILL. :) Happiness comes when you're appreciating the view and enjoying the exciting ride.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Things I WILL DO Before Getting Married
Maybe Cupid was lost along the way. And perhaps I came across some cupids pretending to be THE Cupid. Because I got hit by several arrows many times in the heart, only to find out that I've got a bleeding heart! Hahaha. Yes, I believe in Mr. Cupid and call me cheesy, but I'm someone who still believes in "THE ONE." I don't mind, because a lot of my friends believe in that, and not to mention soulmates too.
I have yet to find the love of my life. When I turned 27 last May, I admit that I sort of felt the pressure. Most of my relatives kept on asking me when is MY DAY, and WHO is the lucky one. I got irritated at times, but now I'm getting the hang of it. I told my self not to rush, and it will come. It's hard for me to believe this a few months back, but after all that happened in my life recently, I'm now chilling... and not worrying about it at all.
I want to focus on ME, as I've said in my previous post. :) And so, I came up with a list of what I WILL DO before I tie the knot:
1. Travel abroad alone. Okay, if not alone, with a close friend hahaha.. Because I'm not sure if I can manage my first travel overseas all by myself. Unlucky me, I haven't been to any other country but the Philippines. :( So I guess, that explains why travelling abroad is on top of my list! For my first trip overseas, I'd love to go to Singapore and Malaysia.
2. Start a business. And I don't just mean my current business which is selling goodies at work hehehe. Of course, it helps a lot. But I want a business wherein I will invest a a great deal of money, something from which I can gain big profit in the long run. I actually wanted to put up a bar and resto / grill or a spa hahaha.. But since I guess my savings in the next months won't be enough for this kind of business, then I'd go for a gift / school supplies shop. I don't know where, but I have to start somewhere!!
3. Write my partial memoir. If I'll compile all my writings in my journals and diaries, I can create a book already. Partial memoir only because my story will continue til I get married, have kids, and grow old! I want to show my memoir to my future husband, and share with him all that's in me, and in my heart.
I think I still have a lot in my list, but I'll stop at item number 3. Hehehe. I want my goals to be doable in terms of time, effort, and resources. Once I fulfill all of these, then I might add more to this list.
Disclaimer! These are the things I swear I will really, really do before marriage. BUT in case I can't fulfill all of these, and my man has come, and love love love swept me off my feet, then no one can stop me from getting married hahaha. Good luck to me! I'm sure I can do at least one of these in my list before MY DAY. :)
I have yet to find the love of my life. When I turned 27 last May, I admit that I sort of felt the pressure. Most of my relatives kept on asking me when is MY DAY, and WHO is the lucky one. I got irritated at times, but now I'm getting the hang of it. I told my self not to rush, and it will come. It's hard for me to believe this a few months back, but after all that happened in my life recently, I'm now chilling... and not worrying about it at all.
I want to focus on ME, as I've said in my previous post. :) And so, I came up with a list of what I WILL DO before I tie the knot:
1. Travel abroad alone. Okay, if not alone, with a close friend hahaha.. Because I'm not sure if I can manage my first travel overseas all by myself. Unlucky me, I haven't been to any other country but the Philippines. :( So I guess, that explains why travelling abroad is on top of my list! For my first trip overseas, I'd love to go to Singapore and Malaysia.
2. Start a business. And I don't just mean my current business which is selling goodies at work hehehe. Of course, it helps a lot. But I want a business wherein I will invest a a great deal of money, something from which I can gain big profit in the long run. I actually wanted to put up a bar and resto / grill or a spa hahaha.. But since I guess my savings in the next months won't be enough for this kind of business, then I'd go for a gift / school supplies shop. I don't know where, but I have to start somewhere!!
3. Write my partial memoir. If I'll compile all my writings in my journals and diaries, I can create a book already. Partial memoir only because my story will continue til I get married, have kids, and grow old! I want to show my memoir to my future husband, and share with him all that's in me, and in my heart.
I think I still have a lot in my list, but I'll stop at item number 3. Hehehe. I want my goals to be doable in terms of time, effort, and resources. Once I fulfill all of these, then I might add more to this list.
Disclaimer! These are the things I swear I will really, really do before marriage. BUT in case I can't fulfill all of these, and my man has come, and love love love swept me off my feet, then no one can stop me from getting married hahaha. Good luck to me! I'm sure I can do at least one of these in my list before MY DAY. :)
Monday, October 18, 2010
Making Uncertainties Certain
Here are some random facts about me:
I never wanted the feeling of “being in the middle” of things.
I’m a person who always feels that sense of urgency to determine what is and what is not.
I have to always know where I stand in someone’s life.
I must be able to accurately tell what I feel.
I hate uncertainties.
I’d rather know that I’m depressed than not knowing whether I’m happy or sad.
I should know the plans.
I don’t like it if I’m left in the dark.
And yes, I sometimes hate surprises.
But after going through a fast ride recently, I felt that sometimes, it’s good to stay in the middle for a while. No rush, no pressures, no rollercoaster rides – just status quo. Having many options is of course better than not having any option at all. But you have to know when to push it further or just stop.
So now, I want to rest and just shut off from the world for the meantime.
I will stay “in the middle” for a while.
I will not make major or life-changing decisions.
I will go with the flow.
I will take it one day at a time.
I will stop meaningless encounters.
I will avoid people who don’t know what I am to them.
I will take it slow.
I will have time for myself.
Just me.
And I’ll look forward to that day, when I’ll be whole again, and ready to be with that someone who will offer me countless chances of forever- someone who will make all the uncertainties in life seem certain.
I never wanted the feeling of “being in the middle” of things.
I’m a person who always feels that sense of urgency to determine what is and what is not.
I have to always know where I stand in someone’s life.
I must be able to accurately tell what I feel.
I hate uncertainties.
I’d rather know that I’m depressed than not knowing whether I’m happy or sad.
I should know the plans.
I don’t like it if I’m left in the dark.
And yes, I sometimes hate surprises.
But after going through a fast ride recently, I felt that sometimes, it’s good to stay in the middle for a while. No rush, no pressures, no rollercoaster rides – just status quo. Having many options is of course better than not having any option at all. But you have to know when to push it further or just stop.
So now, I want to rest and just shut off from the world for the meantime.
I will stay “in the middle” for a while.
I will not make major or life-changing decisions.
I will go with the flow.
I will take it one day at a time.
I will stop meaningless encounters.
I will avoid people who don’t know what I am to them.
I will take it slow.
I will have time for myself.
Just me.
And I’ll look forward to that day, when I’ll be whole again, and ready to be with that someone who will offer me countless chances of forever- someone who will make all the uncertainties in life seem certain.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Quick-Fix
It’s not easy to get over heartbreaks. And I don’t just mean those caused by silly romance, but all kinds of heartaches you can think of- family problem, financial worries, career stress, health concerns, identity crisis, etc. We have to admit that we don’t recover overnight. Some may take weeks, months, or even years. As they say, the pain will always be there. It’s just that you become numb or immune to it as time goes by.
I deal with agony by WALLOWING for at least a week, max two weeks. “Wallow” as in sulk, cry, mope, talk about it endlessly. I devote myself to depression, I choose to remain helpless… as in wallow! Hahaha. Lucky me I have at my disposal my shrink and therapist friends who have no choice but to deal with my bouts of sadness, sometimes anger and frustration. I tend to overanalyze things- what should have happened, what I did wrong, what could have been done to prevent the mess. I will be at my worst, I will get sick, I will withdraw from the world, and I won’t have a sense of focus during this period. But what’s good about me is I guess, I can bounce back easily after the “wallowing period.”
I’m not saying I will be totally okay after wallowing, but I’ll be back on track at the very least. I won’t be at my happiest of course, but I can manage to laugh from time to time. I will still have “emo” moments, but nevertheless it’s not too much for people around me to be very concerned.
What do I do after wallowing? I do quick-fixes- easy things to do to cure my broken heart, things that will comfort me, and will remind me that hey (cliché as it may sound), there’s a rainbow after the rain. I’d like to share some of my quick-fixes. Some of these are actually common to women, but for those who are still looking for quick-fixes, you might want to try a thing or two from my list:
1. Having a new haircut or new color of hair – like most women, this gives me a feeling of a “brand new me”
2. Eating chocolates – they never fail to lighten up my mood
3. Changing bed sheet and pillow cases – for a more comfortable sleep
4. Slathering my body with baby oil before I sleep – makes me forget problems even for a while
5. Creating a “chill” playlist in my ipod – music soothes me
6. Reading my diaries when I was in gradeschool and highschool – to laugh about my childishness, it’s so refreshing you just want to go back to childhood
7. Writing in my journal – it’s like I am able to transfer all my angst to the journal
8. Buying new earrings or headband – can’t get enough of these, they make me look and feel beautiful despite what I’m going through
9. Deleting old files in my PC and old messages in my phone – it makes me feel much organized, making me more eager to start anew
10. Clothing stuffed toys and dolls – especially my Dora doll; pagiging isip-bata sometimes gives me joy. Call me weird, but I sort of feel that I re-connect with my innermost being when I dress up dolls hahaha, they make me feel I’m needed and I make them happy.
11. Drinking Starbucks Mocha Frappe Coffee or my mom’s coffee – uplifts my spirit, especially when I drink it over a light conversation with a friend, sister, special someone, or my mom
12. Fixing my closet – pulling out clothes I don’t wear anymore is like eliminating all the unnecessary clutters in my mind
Quick-fixes are easy to do and very affordable! They may not totally solve all your problems in the world, but they definitely help you regain your sanity. They don’t give you the answers you are looking for, but they give you a break that you truly need. They are not life-changing, but they can help you change the way you deal with the hardships you are encountering. Quick-fixes may not guarantee that you’ll become a better person, but they will surely let you realize that despite everything, it’s still a wonderful world out there!
I deal with agony by WALLOWING for at least a week, max two weeks. “Wallow” as in sulk, cry, mope, talk about it endlessly. I devote myself to depression, I choose to remain helpless… as in wallow! Hahaha. Lucky me I have at my disposal my shrink and therapist friends who have no choice but to deal with my bouts of sadness, sometimes anger and frustration. I tend to overanalyze things- what should have happened, what I did wrong, what could have been done to prevent the mess. I will be at my worst, I will get sick, I will withdraw from the world, and I won’t have a sense of focus during this period. But what’s good about me is I guess, I can bounce back easily after the “wallowing period.”
I’m not saying I will be totally okay after wallowing, but I’ll be back on track at the very least. I won’t be at my happiest of course, but I can manage to laugh from time to time. I will still have “emo” moments, but nevertheless it’s not too much for people around me to be very concerned.
What do I do after wallowing? I do quick-fixes- easy things to do to cure my broken heart, things that will comfort me, and will remind me that hey (cliché as it may sound), there’s a rainbow after the rain. I’d like to share some of my quick-fixes. Some of these are actually common to women, but for those who are still looking for quick-fixes, you might want to try a thing or two from my list:
1. Having a new haircut or new color of hair – like most women, this gives me a feeling of a “brand new me”
2. Eating chocolates – they never fail to lighten up my mood
3. Changing bed sheet and pillow cases – for a more comfortable sleep
4. Slathering my body with baby oil before I sleep – makes me forget problems even for a while
5. Creating a “chill” playlist in my ipod – music soothes me
6. Reading my diaries when I was in gradeschool and highschool – to laugh about my childishness, it’s so refreshing you just want to go back to childhood
7. Writing in my journal – it’s like I am able to transfer all my angst to the journal
8. Buying new earrings or headband – can’t get enough of these, they make me look and feel beautiful despite what I’m going through
9. Deleting old files in my PC and old messages in my phone – it makes me feel much organized, making me more eager to start anew
10. Clothing stuffed toys and dolls – especially my Dora doll; pagiging isip-bata sometimes gives me joy. Call me weird, but I sort of feel that I re-connect with my innermost being when I dress up dolls hahaha, they make me feel I’m needed and I make them happy.
11. Drinking Starbucks Mocha Frappe Coffee or my mom’s coffee – uplifts my spirit, especially when I drink it over a light conversation with a friend, sister, special someone, or my mom
12. Fixing my closet – pulling out clothes I don’t wear anymore is like eliminating all the unnecessary clutters in my mind
Quick-fixes are easy to do and very affordable! They may not totally solve all your problems in the world, but they definitely help you regain your sanity. They don’t give you the answers you are looking for, but they give you a break that you truly need. They are not life-changing, but they can help you change the way you deal with the hardships you are encountering. Quick-fixes may not guarantee that you’ll become a better person, but they will surely let you realize that despite everything, it’s still a wonderful world out there!
Playlist of my Heart - Part 1
I love music. I'm at my best when I hear melody. I just can't imagine my life without songs. I may not be a very good singer, but I can still sing a few lines especially during videoke nights. And here are some of the tracks which are included in the playlist of my heart:
1. Light and Shade by Fra Lippo Lippi
Be proud to wear the colours that you call your own
Be loud, speak out when the world to know
Be strong, hold the flame for everyone to see
Be weak, if you want to love.
This is my care-free song. It brings me back to places in the past, more of happy memories that I want to revisit over and over again. When I sing this, it reminds me of good old times with closest friends. The best line in this song for me is “Be weak if you want to love.” Giddy it may sound, I’m a person who puts her heart on her sleeves. It’s fulfilling, because I know I’ve given my best shot when it comes to love. Though sometimes I have to learn the hard way, I never regret anything, and I’d surely risk again if I want to love and be loved in return.
2. Linger by Cranberries
But I’m in so deep. You know I’m such a fool for you. You got me wrapped around your finger. Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to, Do you have to let it linger?
I’ve heard this song many times, but I got to appreciate it only when I watched the movie “Click.”This movie teaches us that life is too short, so let your loved ones feel that you value them. I cried when I watched this movie, and when I heard “Linger”, I cried the more. The song reminds me to grab the chances given to us to express how we truly feel for our dear ones. Let your love linger!
3. You Don’t Know Me by Michael Buble
You give your hand to me
Then you say hello
I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
But you don't know me
This song is just so romantic, period. It sends shiver to my spines. I’d surely melt. This song just sweeps me off my feet.
4. You’re still you by Josh Groban
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all
You're still you
Recently, I’ve discovered through my sister how relaxing Josh Groban music is. I was never a fan of Josh Groban but there was one time when I was so stressed that I got the chance to listen closely to some of his songs when I was staring blankly at the ceiling. This is just one of his songs that I’ve learned to love. It detoxifies me. I don’t know exactly how I feel everytime I listen to it, but I feel “revitalized” perhaps. It seems that angels are carrying me to heavens.
5. She by Elvis Costello
She
May be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day
This was the song that played during my 18th birthday, that’s why this is so memorable to me. I would never forget that feeling I had as I wore my pink gown and walked like a princess just for that night. That experience with family and close friends was priceless.
6. Hero by Enrique Iglesias
I can be you hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away
I was once a damsel in distress, and I had my hero. This is one of those special songs I hold in my heart because it let me feel taken care of. I knew how it felt to be helpless and having someone to just be there for you is more than enough. This song is brimming with passion and for me, unconditional love.
7. Just Another Woman in Love by Anne Murray
I'm strong, I'm sure, I'm in control, a lady with a plan
Believing that life is a neat little package I hold in my hand
I've got it together, they call me "the girl who knows just what to say and do"
Still I fumble and fall, run into the wall, 'cause when it comes to you, I'm
Just another woman in love
I know this is a very melodramatic song of a hopeless romantic woman, but for some reason, I love singing this during karaoke nights. I can sing it with gusto, with matching facial expression. I think I like this song because as my friends say, it seems that I’m always a woman in love. Sometimes stupid, foolish, gullible, but nevertheless, full of love!
8. Swept Away by Christopher Cross
I never had anything happen so fast
I took one look and I shattered like glass
I guess I let it show 'cause your smile told me you knew
That you're everything I ever wanted at once
There's no holding this heart when it knows what it wants
And I never wanted anything more than to know you
I am a fan of whirlwind romance. Something that’s unexpected is always a lovely surprise. This song can simply make me fall in love a hundred times.
9. Angels by Robbie Williams
And through it all she offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I’m right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call she wont forsake me
I’m loving angels instead
I didn’t know this song, until someone dedicated this song to me. I was touched when he sang this to me, and I’ll forever remember that. I don’t even think of myself as angelic, but I guess I had this certain effect on him which made him feel that I was his angel. Even if he’s not with me anymore, I’m grateful to have been an angel at least once in my life.
10. Take a Chance on me by Abba
I fell in love with this song when I watched Mamma Mia. It’s a feel good romantic movie that thrills me. When I listen to this song, it carries me to places I’ve never been. I’d love to go around the world and take countless chances to live each day as if it's my last!
1. Light and Shade by Fra Lippo Lippi
Be proud to wear the colours that you call your own
Be loud, speak out when the world to know
Be strong, hold the flame for everyone to see
Be weak, if you want to love.
This is my care-free song. It brings me back to places in the past, more of happy memories that I want to revisit over and over again. When I sing this, it reminds me of good old times with closest friends. The best line in this song for me is “Be weak if you want to love.” Giddy it may sound, I’m a person who puts her heart on her sleeves. It’s fulfilling, because I know I’ve given my best shot when it comes to love. Though sometimes I have to learn the hard way, I never regret anything, and I’d surely risk again if I want to love and be loved in return.
2. Linger by Cranberries
But I’m in so deep. You know I’m such a fool for you. You got me wrapped around your finger. Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to, Do you have to let it linger?
I’ve heard this song many times, but I got to appreciate it only when I watched the movie “Click.”This movie teaches us that life is too short, so let your loved ones feel that you value them. I cried when I watched this movie, and when I heard “Linger”, I cried the more. The song reminds me to grab the chances given to us to express how we truly feel for our dear ones. Let your love linger!
3. You Don’t Know Me by Michael Buble
You give your hand to me
Then you say hello
I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
But you don't know me
This song is just so romantic, period. It sends shiver to my spines. I’d surely melt. This song just sweeps me off my feet.
4. You’re still you by Josh Groban
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all
You're still you
Recently, I’ve discovered through my sister how relaxing Josh Groban music is. I was never a fan of Josh Groban but there was one time when I was so stressed that I got the chance to listen closely to some of his songs when I was staring blankly at the ceiling. This is just one of his songs that I’ve learned to love. It detoxifies me. I don’t know exactly how I feel everytime I listen to it, but I feel “revitalized” perhaps. It seems that angels are carrying me to heavens.
5. She by Elvis Costello
She
May be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day
This was the song that played during my 18th birthday, that’s why this is so memorable to me. I would never forget that feeling I had as I wore my pink gown and walked like a princess just for that night. That experience with family and close friends was priceless.
6. Hero by Enrique Iglesias
I can be you hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away
I was once a damsel in distress, and I had my hero. This is one of those special songs I hold in my heart because it let me feel taken care of. I knew how it felt to be helpless and having someone to just be there for you is more than enough. This song is brimming with passion and for me, unconditional love.
7. Just Another Woman in Love by Anne Murray
I'm strong, I'm sure, I'm in control, a lady with a plan
Believing that life is a neat little package I hold in my hand
I've got it together, they call me "the girl who knows just what to say and do"
Still I fumble and fall, run into the wall, 'cause when it comes to you, I'm
Just another woman in love
I know this is a very melodramatic song of a hopeless romantic woman, but for some reason, I love singing this during karaoke nights. I can sing it with gusto, with matching facial expression. I think I like this song because as my friends say, it seems that I’m always a woman in love. Sometimes stupid, foolish, gullible, but nevertheless, full of love!
8. Swept Away by Christopher Cross
I never had anything happen so fast
I took one look and I shattered like glass
I guess I let it show 'cause your smile told me you knew
That you're everything I ever wanted at once
There's no holding this heart when it knows what it wants
And I never wanted anything more than to know you
I am a fan of whirlwind romance. Something that’s unexpected is always a lovely surprise. This song can simply make me fall in love a hundred times.
9. Angels by Robbie Williams
And through it all she offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I’m right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call she wont forsake me
I’m loving angels instead
I didn’t know this song, until someone dedicated this song to me. I was touched when he sang this to me, and I’ll forever remember that. I don’t even think of myself as angelic, but I guess I had this certain effect on him which made him feel that I was his angel. Even if he’s not with me anymore, I’m grateful to have been an angel at least once in my life.
10. Take a Chance on me by Abba
I fell in love with this song when I watched Mamma Mia. It’s a feel good romantic movie that thrills me. When I listen to this song, it carries me to places I’ve never been. I’d love to go around the world and take countless chances to live each day as if it's my last!
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