Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Bits and Pieces of Heartache

I was browsing through my computer files, and I came across these articles I wrote before, which I call HURT BLOGS. I realize how time flies. Just when I thought I wouldn’t be able to recover from the heartaches I got, here I am feeling better than ever.

These hurts made me who I am today. They thought me a thing or two, so now I know how to choose my battles well. 

Happy or Sad?

I would like to think that I am happy right now because I do not cry at night like I used to do.

But then, you cannot measure one’s happiness with the absence or the amount of tears that a person sheds.

I’m a naturally jolly person, but there are times when I just cannot figure out if I am happy or sad.

Before, I feel I can lean on one person with the challenges I face. I had a shock absorber to take in all the angst I had… as it feels heavier day after day.

But I cannot tell now if there is one single person who will risk everything for me.

I may have met several men who are willing to offer their truest love to me… but I let them disappear in my life, because they lack one thing: consistency…

I may seem hard on the outside, but inside me, I’m just waiting for fuzzy romance. It may sound silly or corny for my age but poems excite me, flowers during Valentine’s Day thrill me, and sweet nothings are precious.

I had poems before, flowers, and sweet nothings… Now I cannot look forward, because I’m thinking if I’ll ever be so happy again.

Walking in the Park

I walked in the park and saw beautiful sceneries. I came across wonderful people who made my life more colorful. I enjoyed strolling alone. It made me feel I’m on top of the world.

Then I fell hard. I don’t know if it was the huge stones along the way or the wet grass. Perhaps I was hit by a creature I didn’t know was coming. Or maybe, the sun’s glare blocked my sight. But then, it’s only me to blame.

I stumbled along the way twice- and that made it more painful. I assumed I was guarded enough not to be hurt. But I was wrong. I give my trust easily, and I always see the bright side in each person, only to find out that I’m already scarred. I just refuse to believe that I got hit by something huge.

I should know this will come. I was at my most fragile state when I immersed myself into these crazy games. I admit that I was at my happiest, but it didn’t last.

One thing I learned is don’t walk in the park hastily when you’re vulnerable. You won’t be in a position to refuse love when it is offered. The next thing you know, your heart is broken again and you won’t know it unless someone tells you.

Don’t walk in the park when you’re at your most fragile state. You’ll trust easily, and it won’t be easy to admit that you’ve been hurt, again.

No Guarantees in Love

Guarding your heart too tight will not guarantee you that you won’t be hurt. Sometimes, pain comes to the most unexpected moments.

Just when you thought you found love at the right time, the truth will always make your intense emotions fizzle out that fast. Made believe that you had a chance together, you carry to sleep those sweet moments you had. Bu then time will come that you have to know what’s real and not. And that’s when your heart breaks…

You blame yourself for falling too fast. But isn’t he the one to blame as well? If he had not made you feel special, you wouldn’t be restless like this. If he had not raised your hopes high for a brand new love, you wouldn’t be lonely like this. You feel deceived, but you can’t let it out. Because what you had was brought about by spur of the moment thoughts and emotions. The problem was you were too emotional.

You just think that perhaps, if what you had was left somewhere where you started off, it won’t be so painful. You’re not really expecting something out of this but too bad you were drawn to him already even before you realize it. You both liked what you had, but reality is you can’t be together.

Moving on may be the hardest part. At first you’ll have many questions in your mind. You want answers, fast. But when you sit down and relax, you’ll realize that this experience taught you a valuable lesson in life. Whatever learning you gained will surely make you a stronger, and more secured person. So when the time comes that the right person comes along, you’ll be whole and well-grounded.

It’s ironic because after the pain, you feel happiness after. This is the best part. Liberating yourself from all the angst and heartache… Accepting things as they are, but still being optimistic about what life has to offer… You smile, and tell yourself, you’ve got an amazing story to tell your kids… After all, you had wonderful memories worth remembering. 

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