Monday, October 18, 2010

Making Uncertainties Certain

Here are some random facts about me:

I never wanted the feeling of “being in the middle” of things.
I’m a person who always feels that sense of urgency to determine what is and what is not.
I have to always know where I stand in someone’s life.
I must be able to accurately tell what I feel.
I hate uncertainties.
I’d rather know that I’m depressed than not knowing whether I’m happy or sad.
I should know the plans.
I don’t like it if I’m left in the dark.
And yes, I sometimes hate surprises.

But after going through a fast ride recently, I felt that sometimes, it’s good to stay in the middle for a while. No rush, no pressures, no rollercoaster rides – just status quo. Having many options is of course better than not having any option at all. But you have to know when to push it further or just stop.

So now, I want to rest and just shut off from the world for the meantime.

I will stay “in the middle” for a while.
I will not make major or life-changing decisions.
I will go with the flow.
I will take it one day at a time.
I will stop meaningless encounters.
I will avoid people who don’t know what I am to them.
I will take it slow.
I will have time for myself.

Just me.

And I’ll look forward to that day, when I’ll be whole again, and ready to be with that someone who will offer me countless chances of forever- someone who will make all the uncertainties in life seem certain.

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